You are viewing pyrosakura

   
05:50am 08/03/2007
  WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!


SO GOD-DAMNED ANGRY!!!!


THERE IS NO FUCKING EXCUSE FOR THIS, DO YOU HEAR ME!?!
 
     

( 6 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
   
11:15pm 30/07/2006
  An entry is coming soon... for i finally have things worth saying.  
     

( 1 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
and i promised myself this wouldn't get angsty...   
02:25am 25/06/2006
 
mood: upset
For awhile now I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop...


*THUD*
 
     

( 1 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
Friends Seminary '06 baby   
10:06pm 06/06/2006
 
mood: proud
So, guess who graduated yesterday?

Naw, it wasn't me, good guess though. It's fine, i'm quite proud to be graduating with my BCCHS people, just wish it wasn't 3 weeks from now. Btw, I know you guys wanna come and show some support right? Pretty please?

Anyway, graduation last night was amazing. I'll never be able to write just how proud I was watching my friends gettings their diplomas. Needless to say, you guys are amazing, who knew yesterday woulda come so soon?

A couple things yesterday, did take me by surprise though. The first was just how amazing Donovan Hohn is. By far one of the best teachers i've ever been lucky enough to have, what he said last night literally took my breath away.
As the class's elected speaker, he began his speech by commenting on how he was very lucky, yet surprised to have been chosen. He went on to talk about how he was new to fatherhood along with a whole mess of other Friends teachers and faculty. He spoke about growing up in san francisco, and how he loved his neighborhood, just like Lucas loves battery park, and how jhordan loves the bronx, or how so many other kids love friends...

"...just like Chloe Sewell loved Friends." At this point I actually gasped, choked and sobbed all at once, "I know she would've loved to have been here with you all tonight." *pauses* "I'm sorry, Chloe always does this to me."
I can't believe Donovan did that for me. It was ridiculous how touched and happy I was to hear that, that I was able to be included in just that little way was huge for me.

Anyway, I am exhausted so time to wrap this up, but...

CONGRATULATIONS FRIENDS SEMINARY CLASS OF 2006!!!!



I love you crazy fools.

and now for something completely different: a catgirl, with a jetpack.

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( 5 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
not done yet   
11:34pm 16/05/2006
 
mood: contemplative
I think i'm going to try to start actually updating this thing again.
Let's give it a go shall we?

Life been going by ridiculously fast ever since second semester hit. I do know that it's a "meaningless holiday" but it really did make a huge difference at Baruch. The work stopped and time went double quick. Things just seem to jump from one big event to the next... Vericon... Senior Trip (fucking awesome, btw)... Dane Cook show (also fucking awesome)... people's birthdays... my birthday... and now just, what, 5 weeks of school left? what the hell?

I'm quite surprised, looking back at a couple of my old entries from this summer, i really overreacted about Baruch. Sure this place is an academic wasteland, and i think my brain is turning to mush... but at least i picked up a super awesome posse and some social skills! The people here are all incredibly cool and i think i actually matured a bit while here. I still miss Friends very much, but it's nice to finally get off the subway at 23rd and not feel like i should still be on that train. I also get the feeling that things wouldn't have turned out as well if I had managed to stay there... I'll never know for sure though.
(i have to say though, on the subject of Baruch, dear GOD do i DESPISE ms. shah)
Anyway.

So to officially announce it, i'm going to be heading off to Mount Holyoke College starting February 2007. Yeah, spring semester, wtf?
In the meantime i'll be staying at home, working, taking a couple classes at Hunter, and hopefully getting my 4th degree. Christ, that's gonna kill me.

I'm beginning to worry that other people know me so much better than I know myself... I mean, five minutes after i start feeling sad, Dardan's calls instinctively and demands to know what's wrong, and Clark picks up on things before I even know what they are. I think it's either a problem with my being overly optimistic... or in denial... or both.
Apparently I have many more troubles than I previously realized. This may will either end up being a very large problem, with lighting bolts of drama shooting off in all directions, or something I bottle up and take with me to my grave. I should probably use the actions of the past to help me decide all this... but that leads to the giant drama lightning storm... hmmm...
For some reason it feels as if... this summer, all hell's gonna break loose.


< begin self realization >
After reading Jaya's blog recently (hi jaya!), I've noticed many similarities between some of our views. I've always had the need to be liked, always. It most likely comes from being the firstborn and growing up as the only girl in various groups of boys, making me the center of attention quite often. I most definetly no longer feel the need to constantly be in the limelight, but I still have the need to be liked thing. Or at the very least, I need to be reminded that my friends care about me. I have the tendency to read way too much into things, or to be too strongly affected by very little. Most of my friends have realized this about me and know when i'm bothered, but others seem to use it to their advantage. This saddens me quite a bit since I thought that after the ordeal with Jonny, I knew better than to let myself me manipulated so easily, but apparently not. As unhealthy as it is, I don't mind being treated a little meanly, as long as I know that that person really does care about me. And even if actions are supposed to speak louder than words, it would be nice to here it someday. *shrug*
I probably just watch too much TV, that's probably why I always expect all my friends to be there with a hug and a shoulder for me to cry on. As Jaya expressed, I just really love my friends and would do anything to make them happy, is it wrong to hope that they feel similarly towards me, at least to some degree?
Oh lord chloe, what do you get yourself into?
< / end self realization, thank you for flying obvious airlines, i'm captain chloe>

Well i'm pretty sure this rant has gone on long enough, I really do want to start updating again (with actual updates, no more, i did this this and this crap) so perhaps I will write again shortly. We'll see. And who knows, as I experiment more and more with my shiny wacom tablet, perhaps sketches will accompany some entries? who knows

i'm out

- Chloe

"Sail away upon a rig, the moon is full and so are we, we're seven drunken pirates we're the seven deadly sins!" Flogging Molly
 
     

( 4 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
< /end > Stress/Worry/Exhaustion/Sadness   
11:13pm 10/05/2006
 
mood: relieved
Yeah, it almost killed me
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Thank God that's over

*does a happy dance and goes to bed*
 
     

( 1 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
woah   
01:39am 07/05/2006
 
mood: happy
And so, I am all growned up.

18 years, damn.

I must say though, even if I'm still a little buzzed, I had a really amazing day today, and I have the best fucking friends in the universe.

I'm gonna head to bed now, but first, there's someone who I have to give a Huge "thank you" to, and an even bigger "i'm sorry". I hope you know who you are, this one's for you.


It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
'cause it's never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I'm all about value
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause it's so dangerous,
you'll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Gonna get a set a' better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
and said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame,
but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry


If you haven't figured it out yet, here's a hint, thanks for Mean Girls.

And as Frankie put it so well tonight, "FUCK YEAH!"
 
     

( 1 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
The adventures of Dr. McNinja   
11:45pm 30/04/2006
 
mood: accomplished
Cowboys riding Dinosaurs.

I totally called that one.

Chloe for the win!
 
     

(how blue is the sky?)

 
aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!   
12:09am 23/03/2006
 
mood: quite pissed at myself
Sometimes, I am just far far far too stupid.

Fuck.
 
     

(how blue is the sky?)

 
not bad   
12:03pm 24/01/2006
 
mood: cheerful
Well, '06 seems to be going pretty well for the moment. I've developed an early case of senioritis (which was stupid considering second semester doesn't start til next tuesday), but then again, not taking notes and using sparknotes more often than not won't kill me.
Hmmm... things have gotten a bit complicated in some areas of my life. And i am quite unsure how to handle these situations. All advice from friends demands that I take the stupid plunge, but such things are easier said than done.
Ah well, knowing myself I'm sure I'll end up following their orders eventually. Hopefully some good will come out of it.

Now I am off to take my first regents. I hear they are easy, but tedious. Huzzah.
Only 3 days til Boston.

- Winter-een-mas is upon us.

Some things I am happy about:
- Dora, congratulations! Yay babies! ^___^
- I have outlined and scripted almost 60 pages of my manga for my senior project. So happy it's going well.
- Boston
- second semester approaching
- the week off for regents
- House got the golden globe, so did Brokeback
- getting over my fear of zombies. slowly but surely.
- resuming plushie-making
- Seeing/talking to some old friends
- making some new ones
- Dardan's Xmas present to me. Best. Present. Ever. undebatable.
- Baba O'Reilly is on repeat on my iPod
 
     

( 2 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
Oh yeah.   
12:23am 15/01/2006
 
mood: ecstatic
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( 9 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
The kind of thing my father would try desperately to argue:   
07:42pm 05/01/2006
 
mood: amused
10 Best reasons Gay Marriage is wrong:

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.
 
     

( 6 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
Christmas time again   
03:40pm 25/12/2005
 
mood: okay
Merry Christmas everyone.

I kept my promise to a very dear friend and did not cry myself to sleep again last night. I had a wonderful christmas eve with my family (including big sister and brother) and my parents really did their best to keep the mood in the house festive this year. I made lots of cookies for everyone and they came out really well (none burned!) And although this year, it seems as if I have a good deal more reasons to be depressed about stuff, I'm doin okay. I guess I figured out that I can't always depend on other people to make me happy, whether it's christmas or any other time, I'm the only one who can control how i feel. This year, I gave myself a good christmas, and hopefully I made some of the people I love happy too, cuz they sure as hell did so for me.
So thank you Ariel, Dardan, Matt, Clark, Lea, Yacine, Gilliam, Keith, Jaya, VV, Dasilva, Nick, Alex (chew), Tonia, Alex (brother), Fiona, Amelia, Jackie, Isabelle, Brett, dad and especially mom, you guys have helped me so much through what has been a truly god awful month, and I never could have been so cheerful without you.

Try to have a happy day today


PS
Dish soap = bad.

PPS
Those who did not receive their gifts yet, expect them soon.
 
     

( 3 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
A time for giving   
09:54pm 21/12/2005
 
mood: festive
I know i'm posting this a little late, but I just wanted to take a minute to let you guys know about Child's Play.



Child's Play is a charity that was started 2 years ago by one of my favorite webcomics, Penny Arcade.

This charity's aim is to show the world what great, and generous people gamers can be. In only two years, they and gamers around the world have raised over a million dollars to send toys to sick children in hospitals all over america (now Canada and England aswell). I know a few of you reading this have spent more than a few days in the hospital as kids, and I can't imagine how much that must've sucked. Hopefully you guys had things like gameboys, movies or even just a stuffed animal or a puzzle to keep your spirits up while you were there. That's what Child's Play is about, trying to make hospital stays even just a bit more bearable for sick kids and their families. I know it's almost Christmas, but even if the gifts get there a few days late, at least they'll be getting there. We've already raised 420,000$ this year alone, and we're trying to reach half a million, help make it happen.

Anyway,
Happy Holidays Everyone
 
     

(how blue is the sky?)

 
Shit happens. So much shit happens...   
09:45pm 28/11/2005
  ...but sometimes all you need is a very protective friend with an awesome hat to make you feel better.  
     

( 1 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
   
04:12pm 23/11/2005
  Isn't it great that, whenever you really really don't want to be alone, nobody's around?  
     

( 3 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
all hallow's eve   
05:23pm 31/10/2005
 
mood: creative
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

A bigger post recounting my crazy weekend's escapades is coming soon. Until then, see you at the parade tonight!
 
     

(how blue is the sky?)

 
Hypocritical bastard.   
08:14am 18/10/2005
 
mood: amused
Gabe and Tycho are my new heroes.

Jack Thompson deserves several kicks to the face. Stat.
 
     

( 5 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
Nerdgasm!   
10:56am 24/09/2005
 
mood: nerdy
If someone gets me this toy I will love them FOREVAR!

*big begging puppy eyes*
 
     

( 4 watched the clouds | how blue is the sky?)

 
Cosplay Update   
11:52am 11/08/2005
 
mood: accomplished
So far so good, I should be done early next week!

Edward Elric Cosplay:
  • Black Jacket: Totally complete (clasp and all)
  • Pocket Watch: acquired
  • Belt: almost done
  • Red Coat: almost done (just needs the applique on the back, should be done by monday)
  • Black tanktop: acquired
  • Leather pants: acquired
  • Motorcycle boots: purchased! They're getting express shipped as we speak
  • haircut: coming soon
  • Automail: under construction (i've finished the hand, forearm and upper arm, just needs the fingers, shoulder and body (plus the transmuted weapon) and some paint!)
Woo, I can't wait to finish this, I'm gonna look awesome.

Also, I think I'm gonna make a plushie of Ethan from CAD to give to Tim Buckley, just need to grab some felt for that...

I am going to spend so much money on Otakon, it's ridiculous.

- Still working
 
     

(how blue is the sky?)